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January 28, 2008

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 13

<sonnys pov>

i woke up with a terrible ache in my neck. i had fallen asleep, still kneeling, and laying my head on casey and my hands, which were still together, and now if i tried to turn my head, it would hurt like hell! i felt like if i turned my neck it would break. but i was able to shake it off. i stood up, not letting go of casey's hand, stretched and turned and looked over to see pete and dani sitting next to each other, sleeping. dani had her head on petes shoulder, and pete was leaning on danis head. i shouldnt wake them, but i kinda had to. just thinking to walk, i felt my hand being squeezed. when i looked over caseys eyes were open, and staring at me. she smiled.

"morning." she whispered to me.

i kneeled back down next to her, " morning. how are you feeling?"

"okay i guess. i wasnt really all banged up yesterday.how are they holdin up?" she guestured towards everyone.

"okay. i think its safe to say everything is all back to normal."

"thats good. maybe then all this happening was a good thing." she said looking hopeful, but then she coughed and it went away.

"apparantly not on yours or ashlis part." she nodded, "you hungry?"

she looked at me undecided, "not starving. but i could use something to eat. you?"

i am starving, which is why im asking you! i thought, trying to hold back a smile and a laugh. "okay i guess. want me to get you something to eat from the caf?"

she shook her head, " no thanks thats alright... but they're gonna serve us in about 30 minutes. can you wait til then?"

"maybe.anyways... erm, whats on tv?" i asked not her in particular and grabbed the remote and got on the bed next to her, careful not to unplug anything or whatever. i turned on the tv and flipped through the channels. my stomach was growling, but i ignored it. for now i could wait i guess.

 

 

 

<pete's pov>

when i woke up, i saw that sonny was laying next to casey on the bed, and that they were both sleeping. i looked over to ashli, and then billie. still asleep too. then i looked at dani, who had her head resting on my shoulder. i shook her, trying to wake her up.

"mmm-ugh." she slowly opened her eyes, and looked up at me.

"mug?" i said laughing.

"what?" she asked staring up at me with half closed eyes.

i shook my head, "nothing. you okay?"

she looked around, " yeah. why?"

"just asking... you hungry?"

"yeah. you?"

"i could use a bite."she smiled leaning into me and softly bit my neck, " ow! i didnt mean literally." she only laughed.

"mmm, what do we do now?" she said getting up to stretch, and then yawn.

"mmm, i dunno." i said in the same tone she used. she rolled her eyes, i just smiled at her. "we can wait for them to get up. or wait for everyone to come."

"well..."she looked at the clock," i guess we can go to the cafeteria. and then come back when everyones awake. looks like theres no point in waking them."she said pointing to casey and sonny, then to ashli and billie.

"yeah lets go." i got up and just as dani opened the door, the nurse had her fist up ready to knock.

"oh...uh excuse me, are they awake?"

dani shook her head, " nope. but good luck, in waking them up." the nurse smiled and we left.

 

 

the cafeteria was practically empty when we got there. dani found a seat and i went to go get us some trays. when i came back, dani had her head laying on her arms which were crossed on the table. "you okay?" i asked her again.

she lifted her head, " hmm? oh yeah." she sniffed.

"you sure?" i set down her tray in front of her and sat down.

" yeah its just that..." she shook her head and stared into her lap. "i was so... mean to ashli yesterday and...i-i...oh God i just feel so selfish. i had gotten mad at her, for this because she "broke her promise". just because i was thinking only of...of me.i-i..." she shook her head again," if she wasnt here today...if she had died... oh my God i am the worst friend ever!" she put her head in her hands and started crying.

"dani," i put my arm around her, "your not a bad friend. you wouldve never known this was going to happen. and thank God shes fine. casey too. its not your fault for anything..." well i didnt know how much that was true, i mean i wasnt exactly there to witness what happened and everything said...so i honestly cant exactly take sides.

"but pete, i was mean to her! instead of supporting her like a good friend does, i just...i just feel like... shit. i was mean to her pete. i was. and you dont have to say anything to make me feel better, 'cause its not gonna work. im sure casey and ashli blame me both for being a bitch."

i was about to say something to make her feel better, when i looked up and saw sonny standing there. "im not sure how ashli feels, but im sure that casey doesnt blame you for much. i mean you werent the one in the other car that hit them yesterday."

she looked at him then away. " it doesnt matter. i was a bitch to ashli. and thats the reason they should blame me of. being a bad friend."

sonny sat down in front of us, "dani, are you gonna hate yourself for the rest of your life on how you were a "mean friend" to ashli? i mean come on, this is like the first time ever ive seen you do anything to ashli... you're not a bad friend. and sometimes you won't be a perfect friend, or even a good one. there is no such thing as a perfect friend dani."

"did you read that off of a greeting card or something?" dani said sarcastically, just as i was thinking it.

he rolled his eyes," well...actually yeah. it was this card that i got on my birthday from za-matt!"

she looked at him confused, "za-matt?"

he scratched his head, "uh yeah... i mean, uh thats what we used to call matt...matt good!" he laughed uneasy and scratched at the back of his head.

after carefully thinking it over, i figured out what he had meant. from zacky.the card he had gotten with that saying, was from zacky. he just didnt want to say it in front of me. and reffering to matt, he meant matt from avenged sevenfold. aka m.shadows... see a long time ago, from first to last and avenged sevenfold used to be good friends. all of them. especially sonny and zacky. but... i dont know exactly what happened, (i never asked and dont want to), but they got into a huge argument and broke the friendship. right around the time dani and zacky split up. so i dont know if that has anything to do with it but... i have my own opinions. but i dont want to get into it with dani. i dont really want to ask, and im sure she really doesnt want to tell me.

i shook off the disgust i had even thinking about zacky,

"uh...well, everyones awake and here now...if ya'll wanna come back and see em." he finally said. he got up and started walking towards the exit.

"weird." dani said shaking her head once more.

"you ready to go back in there?" i asked her still trying to get zacky's picture out of my mind.

she took a deep breathe in, "as i'll ever be." she smiled slightly.

"well them c'mon." i picked up our trays and threw them in the trash, (they were those generic paper ones, like the paper plates), since we had both lost our appetites. and then me and dani walked slowly back to the room.

i put my hand on the door nob and looked at her, she nodded and i opened it. everyone was there, everyone. sonny was by casey's left side, and erika on the other. billie was by ashli's right side and marj on the other. derek and ryan were sitting in the chairs that me and dani were sleeping in and even brendon was there and sitting on the other side of ryan. i looked at dani and saw that she was looking at her feet. i grabbed her hand and led her to casey first, hoping that nothing would happen right then and there in front of everyone, because only me, casey, dani, and brendon, and maybe billie knew about ashli... i still dont know how they were gonna tell everyone else, just then the nurse walked in...

 

 

<ashli's pov>

when dani and pete came in, dani didnt look anywhere near me or casey. or anyone. pete had grabbed her hand and was walking towards casey first. and then the nurse had to come in.

"well... uh hello there." needless to say she seemed surprised by everyone suddenly being there, "well young ladies, you both are gonna be fine." only pete, casey, dani, and (for some reason) brendon let out a sigh of relief. "miss casey," she flipped to a page in her clipboard, "uh yes, lets see, only minor injuries. a few big bumps and bruises, but you'll be able to leave here later on today." she came over to me and my heart sped up. "miss ashli, " she flipped to the next page, "lets see, um, a few injuries, minor also, bumps and bruises as well, oh and also, we have to ask you about something. regarding your preg-" oh God! i thought, this is not how i wanted to tell everyone, especially billie. just as she was about to finish, dani said, "um when do they get to leave?" she had a panicked yet calm expression on her face. she looked over at me, then at casey, then back at the nurse.

"oh, um... later on today as soon as you check her out and we do the usual processes..." dani nodded, and then the nurse hesitated, and then akwardly left. casey looked over at dani who was staring into her lap. thank you i thought.

 

 

 

<my pov>

ashli better thank me for this! i thought as i stared into my lap nervously.

"well im beat." brendon said getting up all of a sudden."im sorry guys but i gotta get goin. i'll see you guys later. and ryan dont forget to call next time you run off. you scared the shit out of us." ryan only smiled and nodded, "hope ya'll guys feel better casey and ashli. see ya bitch," he said pointing at pete who just lasghed. and then to me he said, "good luck with that... thing, y'know." i nodded and he waved to everyone, "peace."

"bye." everyone said.

"well im sorry but im a bit tired too. i think we'll be waiting back at the hotel." erika said and derek got up.

"yeah me too." marj said hugging ashli, then casey, " im glad ya'll are okay." she nodded and went to the door, " rye you coming?"

he thought a minute, "yeah." he got up.

after they said all their goodbyes and gave hugs to ashli then casey, or vice versa, they left, leaving only me, pete, sonny, and billie.

"why'd you do it?" casey said to me all of a sudden. "i thought you couldnt take this and couldnt talk to her anymore. i thought you thought she made a huge mistake, that you'll see us." she stared at me.

i just looked up at her and said, " i only said-"

" i know what you said. we both know what you said." sonny and billie looked at us confused.

"casey come on. leave her alone she was... confused. she didnt know what to think. its not her fault. she just overreacted is all." pete said putting his hand on my back. sonny and billie looked at pete now, confused even more probably.

"pete, you weren't there. so you cant say anything okay. so just shut up okay?"

"dont fucking talk to him like that! he didnt do shit." i said, already pissed off.

"hes sticking up for you when he doesnt even know shit." she shot back.

"that doesnt give you a reason to act like a bitch casey!"

"and what gave you the reason to act like a bitch, back then?"

"i wasnt acting like an exact bitch casey. nothing compared to the way you're acting now."

"and im not acting any way, so dont fucking tell me-"

"just shut the hell up already!" ashli said covering her ears. everyone looked over at her. she brought them down. "casey shut the fuck up!"

"bu-"

"you are acting like a bitch now! and dani you were acting a like a bitch then! just both of you shut up! its not caseys fault for anything, dani. and dani did overreact and was confused casey. and yeah you didnt have to say that to pete." pete looked down and then back at ashli who went on, "look," her voice was a bit hoarse and raspy, "billie... you know i love you right?" he nodded, "billie...billie im ... im pregnant."


Posted on 01/28/2008 10:11 PM Comments (0)

October 9, 2006

Freedom/Chaos Quoi Jamais by Thalia

Freedom is something every person in the world seems to crave, with exception to those few who don't know what it means, or really enjoy their five by five windowless cement cell for all eternity. In today's world when you ask, say, an average teenager "What is Freedom?" you are likely to get a reply somewhere along these lines: "Freedom is the ability to do what you want, when you want and never being reprimanded. Freedom is where everyone has a right to their own opinion and has the ability to express it. Freedom is where no one is wrongly accused and everyone is, well... free." No, wait a minute, that's chaos!
In this day and age, the meaning of freedom has become blurred, and in some cases, changed all together. Freedom now means anything we don't have... like oil. Only joking! (but not really) Americans are said to be "free," but somehow everyone is unhappy in one way or another. Does this mean "American liberty" is not what we think? or does it mean no knows, ever has or ever will understand this word/concept and it shouldn't really be a word.
Freedom of the press is something that really bothers me. When a bunch of old, rich white men wrote that bit in the Constitution about freedom of the press, did they really compensate for tabloids? I think not. "Liza Minelli marries two-headed Elvis clone on Space Needle Thursday" is probably not the type of title they had in mind. How is prying into the lives of celebrities, both living and dead, honoring said freedom? I really don't care who broke up with who or how long it takes Harrison Ford to get it off. It is none of my frickin business!
This must-know-everything disease has infected television to a startling degree. Survalence tapes of Jennifer Lopez gardening on today's... Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! No wonder the human race has the problems it does! Half the mental capacity of this country is filled with things like that, and for those who are actually watching that garbage instead of doing something constructive, they have no brain function happening at all.
To be fair, the information age is at its best and medical, technological, and communication in general have been both constructive and destructive in many ways. I simply feel everything is going too fast and running off the tracks into who-knows-what, but all I know is that we ain't coming back.
Peace and love wherever you find it.


Posted on 10/09/2006 10:42 PM Comments (0)

The Party's Over, GO Home! by Etc Etc

I really don't see why we bother to lobby in summits or welcome delegations for the sake of international negotiations and affairs. really, it seems that the whole concept of international relations was scrapped with the introduction of the nuclear age, at a point where we no longer had to satisfy the habitually greedy race of homo sapiens which are plaguing the Earth. the reason for this is, we no longer have to offer bribes or treaties to opposing nations; we simply annihilate them and salvage any culture and resources that catch our attention. And still we attempt to offer lessons in futility and time consumption, under the false name of international interest and necessity. While I believe that our technological capabilities should not have progressed past the invention of paper or at most the musical instruments we encounter every day. but even time has shown that long before we decided to blow through a curved or straight metal pipe, we shad the sword, the axe, and many other implements of power and suffering. So the only intelligent course of action would be to revert modern civilization to before the time we would destroy enemies or animals with sticks and even stones (is that even possible?). alas, i have been wasting your time. i am not the first to do so. why would our forefathers bother to attempt independance from Mother England in the first place? in order to achieve a new name and a new regime, we needlessly spilled the blood of thousands, and many more wasted away from cold, hunger, and any other concievable factors. even when attempts of international relations in the past, when they had a somewhat resonable and defined purpose, we opted to destroy each other. and even earlier, we believed that we should be rich and prosperous, as opposed to a more logical ideal of self-sufficiency and interdependance. even now, as the united nations consider to alienate and destroy Iraq, our home administration has labored to force others to do what we would have done anyway. i do not recognize the purpose for this, with the minor exception that american technology would probably be more effective and deadly, and would save more swiss or german or french or other nation's citizens. the very concept of a coalition is to make it easier on our own status as a population, while having an inverse effect on the populations of other peoples and races. and furthermore, if our own purpose is to destroy the Iraqi existence, surely we are not interested in, at minimum, partial destruction of allies or 'friends'...are we? this, and many other questions, have driven me not to depend on politics or policital affects. and while, as you finish this article, you may be persuaded to expand your realm of thinking, i want to be confidant in the fact that this, or any other writing, will bend your personal views and thoughts to any conclusion about anything that is not your own. in this hectic world, where there are no friends that you do not know personally, we need those who are not automatons. we will need you to repopulate the world after the cleansing we will enact upon ourselves.


Posted on 10/09/2006 10:41 PM Comments (0)

September 14, 2006

survivng life in skool

Surviving Life In School


Tips for Survival
Note, these tips are not ALWAYS true.

- Most teachers are not, and will not be your friend
- No one takes "school spirit" seriously. It is purely a joke
- Except for a few fanatics, the dress code is NOT enforced
- Expect assignments to be meaningless drivel
- The school is only air conditioned in the winter
- Don't trust anyone you don't know personally
- Student council means nothing; therefore, students have no voice
- Be afraid, very afraid
- School sucks, get used to it
- The principal does NOT know what goes on
- Each class does NOT need its own individual binder
- You don't need to take gym, no matter what they say
- Stay away from: the bathrooms, lunch lines, and if possible, the building
- You are not here to learn. You are here to be turned into a mindless automaton
- It is physically impossible to do all of your homework in 8th
- It is nearly impossible to get a 4.0 in 8th(don't try, there are more important things)
- Ignore your teachers, they are usually wrong
- The statement, "You are in 8th grade/Jr. High/9th grade, so we expect more," isn't true
- Don't go into the IB program in 9th grade
- Being a fanatic is OK. Many people are and they do fine
- If you fight with the principal/teacher/vice principal, recruit your parents to fight for you
- Don't fight the gangstas. They don't know when to quit
- Make friends in all groups. This gives you what we call diplomatic immunity
- No matter what anyone says, Jr. High is not better than Elementary
- You may see Satan or other such person giving orders to teachers/principal. Ignore this. Telling people won't help.
- If you end up liking a teacher, latch on. Good teachers are hard to find.
- If you just can't take it anymore, home-school
- If you want real power, don't go to school
- Relationships of all kinds are made and broken in the same day here. Don't take them very seriously unless they last more than a week
- As a general rule(not true for everyone), Jr. High students are whining, inconsiderate, morons
- Don't write your opinions. Write what the teachers want to hear
- If you do your homework and pay attention, you get an A
- If you do some of your homework and screw around, you get an A
- Remember, you are only here for 2, maybe 3 years. It will end sometime, although it never feels like it
- Find a group. This is very conformist and sad, but this will help you. Even if the group isn't really like you, it is good to have
- Laugh your ass off. Studies show that if you laugh, you actually become happier. You will need this technique
- School dances SUCK. Don't bother going, and if you do, try not to pay if there is an admissions fee
- Get some friends in lower/higher grades than you. This gives you broader range of influence amongst the masses. If you don't have friends in different grades, you get somewhat deprived.


Posted on 09/14/2006 2:55 PM Comments (3)

Dont Let Anything Slip Away

 I was walking around the other day, and this lady looks at me and giggles. I thought she was ripping on my hair, clothes, or some such thing, so approached her with the classic, "Do you find me amusing?". Oddly, she said, "Yeah." I asked why, and we got talking. I found out that she was a capitalist until one zine changed her life. She TOTALLY understood me! It was amazing as she described me with perfect detail. Every bottled up fear and emotion. Every love, every hate, every passion. It was incredible. I ended up talking to her again, and I thought, "This is my soulmate!". Not to be cheesy, but it was amazing. Sadly, I haven't seen her again. This should be a lesson to all of you. Don't let ANYONE go without knowing them first. Get phone numbers, addresses, places of work, ANYTHING that might let you see a person again. Life goes faster than you can believe. Don't let it slip away, you'll regret it later.

Posted on 09/14/2006 2:53 PM Comments (0)

Who Gives A Fuck

Untitled
by Habib
Who gives a fuck?
We all die anyway,
Who really cares if I were to go sooner than later?
Until then I'm stuck.
Stuck in this world of "put on a happy face" for the teachers
And parents
And the friends
And all the other fuckheads who pretend to care,
Then go and cry alone at night.

Posted on 09/14/2006 2:52 PM Comments (0)

FUCK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Untitled
by Habib
They tell you you need education.
You need to slave in school for your teachers so you can grow up and slave in work for your bosses.
Why do we put with it?
Why?
For the asshole oppurtunist friends?
For a life that sucks so much you feel you NEED to stand it,
Where everyday you consider how easily it would all be over with the slice of a blade?
Where depression and oppression reign supreme over both good & evil?
Why?
Why the fuck do we put up with it?
Well FUCK THEM!
I'm taking a stand!
FUCK THEM!
I dont need their pill induced happiness!
FUCK THEM!
I don't need their false affection!
FUCK THEM!
I don't need their drugs!
FUCK THEM!
I don't need their wage slavery!
FUCK THEM!
Fuck their pills!
FUCK THEM!
Fuck their war!
FUCK THEM!
Fuck their scape goats!
FUCK THEM!
Fuck the parents who can only yell!
FUCK THEM FUCK THIS FUCK YOU fuck them.



Posted on 09/14/2006 2:51 PM Comments (0)

Balance Of Power

Balance of Power
By Meier Link
Darkness within me,
The darkness that I see,
Darkness of which I was birthed.
You see me,
You hear me,
There are millions think just like me.
Balance of power,
Causing the fall,
The lust that burns within us all.
You think you know,
You think your right,
But, you will doom us all with your blight.
There is no purity,
Not in this world,
Only the evil laying shrouded soon to be unfurled.
You call me different,
You demand conformity,
But, are you not the one who is different from me?
You may think we are weak,
And that you shall dominate,
Oh, the things that brew on the fire of your hate.
Soon it will end,
You will all understand,
Those who seek power will be snuffed by my hand.
You have nothing to live for,
Nothing to hope for,
So is the future that I understand.
Your time has been wasted,
On petty little feuds,
And now you are faced with new attitudes.
Your lust for old power,
Has caused your fall from grace,
And you will see a smirk upon my face.
For you now understand,
What has become true,
I was destined to be mightier then you.



Posted on 09/14/2006 2:51 PM Comments (0)

We're On The Rise

We're on the Rise
-Habib
I can see you watching me
from your pristine suburban homes
What's the matter?
What makes me so different from you?
What makes you afraid to speak to me?
Just because I'm not like you
You preach of tolerance
You preach of acceptance
But do you practice it?
No.
You shut everyone out
A gay couple move into the neighborhood
You avoid them
A black family moves in
You avoid them
I am back
from my year long trip
I have changed
You avoid me
But is it really for the worse?
I came back with a mohawk,
With new views,
But, inside what's so different?
What makes you scared?
Well, it doesn't really matter
Because I have news for you
We're taking over
No longer will you be safe
from the rest of the world
in you little closed in
white suburbia.
We're on the rise
By we I mean the youth
I mean the old
I mean anyone and everyone
Who sees through the bullshit
Who thinks for themselves
We're on the rise
Better watch out


Posted on 09/14/2006 2:50 PM Comments (0)

Dad

Dad
-Habib
My dad yelled at me again today
I'm grounded
I hate him
Why can't he just accept who I am?
He always tries to change me
He says he hates my music
He hates my clothes
He hates my food
It's ok
I hate him
He's just a hypocrite
I'm nearly 15
He doesn't trust me to be out after 11
I'm never good enough for him
I pull up my biology grade
All he says is "You could do better"
I get a B on my French test when I usually get D's
All he says is "You could do better"
In 7th grade I got 17 suspensions
In 8th I didn't even get a detention
All he says is "You're grades could be better"
My dad yelled at me again today
I'm grounded
I hate him


Posted on 09/14/2006 2:50 PM Comments (1)

What Is Your Future?

What is Your Future?(Balance of Power Part II)
By Meier Link
What is your future,
That you see ahead of you?
What is so great,
About all the things you do?
How am I inferior
To you so bold and proud?
How I'd like to see you,
Tumble from your cloud.
Will the things you do now,
Ever have effect?
Destroying people's lives,
Will never make you perfect.
You may be important now,
To the people in your life.
But, to the lives of others,
You fill them up with strife.
Someday the roles will be reversed,
When the future comes.
You now are at a lack of power,
You are seen by many as dumb.
You were once a sheep in wolves clothing,
Now they see you for what you are.
If you think therefore you are,
They why have so many, come so far?


Posted on 09/14/2006 2:49 PM Comments (0)

The Raven

The Raven
By Edgar Allen Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering,
fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
"Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,
"Lenore!" -
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my
window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said,
"art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning- little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered- not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown
before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock
and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
Of 'Never - nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and
door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee - by these
angels he hath sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore:
"Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! - prophet still, if
bird or devil! -
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I
implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil - prophet still, if
bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I
shrieked, upstarting -
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my
door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!


Posted on 09/14/2006 2:48 PM Comments (0)

September 9, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 12

pete took my hands and helped me up. we went to go get everyone else, and then left for the hospital.

__________________________________________________________________________

(at the hospital)

we all ran in, i was first at the main desk. i was practically screaming and demanding i was told where ashli and casey were.

a doctor tapped me on the shoulder, and pointed to a room with the number 415 on the door. we ran over and slowly opened the door. the first thing i saw was a curtain, then a little further was casey, she was laying on the bed watching tv. we walked over in front of her. her face lit up.

" guys, you came!"

sonny was by her side, " of course we did, honey, are you okay?"

" yea, minor injuries. im gonna be okay."

i went over to her other side.i pulled away a strand of hair that escaped the bunch it was in." are you sure you are okay? and where's ashli?"

she pointed to the curtain. i went over and opened it.

 ryan went over and took her hands. " ash, ash are you okay, ash, please wake up!"

i went ver and put my arm on his shoulder, " lets, let her get her rest. come on."

he kissed her hand and closed the curtain behind him. " well i guess you're right." he said coming over to where casey was.

" well guys, you can go, we'll be fine. you dont have to stay."

sonny was holding her hands. " no! they can go, but im staying. you cant make me go, case."

she smiled, " thank you sonny. but thers kind of a limit of people that can stay here, after visiting hours. so whos gonna go, and whos gonna stay?"

we all looked at each other. i think evryone knew i was gonna stay so, i was counted out. ryan was definetly staying for ashli. pete was staying. and everyone else was gonna leave.

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<sonny's pov>

i thought so hard about how casey might be. i was so worried when dani said casey and ashli were at the hospital. on the way over, i just thought about all the times we've been together. and all the times we fought and made up. i am so grateful that we were able to get together, and now this shit happens. i dont know why i thnk like this. casey will be fine, and yet, i cant get over the fact thats shes in a hospital! bruised or worse, knock on wood. why do i think like this, she gonna be fine and yet, i have this little voice inside in my head telling me something is wrong with her. i know i have a choice to listen to that iner voice, and i shouldnt, but that part is taking over, i cant control it. oh, God, please let her be okay.

wen we got there, the first thing that popped into my mind was, a picture, of me, casey, dani and pete, wen we first met.we all had a smile on our faces, that looked like we've all been friends since the first grade. but that was the first time we all met. before any of us got together, and dated each other. before all this drama. before, pete sighed dani. before, the best times with each other. and me hugging casey after the photo, i just couldnt let go. she was so nice, so pretty, so smart. i thought she'd never go for me. but then dani called for an outing. and then me and casey really got to know one another. it was better than, hearing, almost 2 million fans scream your name, after your first gig. better then knowing  you have 4 million fans, line up every night, sometimes in the cold, sometimes in the rain, just to hear you play, even one or two songs. or just even to hear you speak. i love casey, and always will. and everytime i see her, i just cant help myself. i thank God that i was given such a beautiful, intelligent, girlfriend. someday, i hope even more.

we got there, and i was kinda mad at dani for going first. i mean i love casey, and she's my girlfriend. but still, she is her bestest frined, and she has known her longer. so i understood.

wen she went in, she stopped. there was this curtain in te way. but went she went all the way in, she ran over to her. it was casey! i couldnt really believe my eyes. i wanted to get on my knees and thank God she was okay. but instead, i went over to her her side.

wen she say us, sh said, " guys, you came!"

i almost ran over to her side and said, " of course we did, honey, are you okay?"

she said, " yea, minor injuries. im gonna be okay."

dani went over to her other side, and pulled some hair out of her face and said," are you sure you're okay? and wheres ashli?"

casey pointed and dani went over and pulled the curtain back. ashli was laying in the bed, behind the curtain. ryan went over to ashli's side, and took her hands.he said to her, "ash, ash, are you okay, ash, please wake up!" dani went over and put her hand on his shoulder and told him to let her rest. so they closed the curtain, and came back over to casey.

"well guys, you can go, we'll be fine. you dont have to stay."

i was now holding her hands, i said, " no! they can go, but im staying. you cant make me go, case." 

she smiled, " thank you sonny. but thers kind of a limit of people that can stay here, after visiting hours. so whos gonna go and whos gonna stay?"

i knew dani was gonna stay. and if dani was going to stay then pete was. and of course ryan was staying.  so everyone else left.

after everyone had fallen asleep, i couldnt. i stayed awake. replaying everything thats happened from wen me and casey met, till now. sometimes i'd laugh, sometimes i'd give little cries. but im just glad casey is okay. before i went to sleep, i said a little prayer, which was weird, because, im not cathlic or anything, but i was just glad she was okay, so i said it anyways. then i fell asleep next to her. still kneeling beside her.


Posted on 09/09/2006 4:13 PM Comments (6)

September 8, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 11

brendon- hey, whoa, wait up! will you please slow down!come on whats the matter? wait dani!

he caught her arm before she got any further.

dani- look, just please brendon leave me alone, i dont want to take out all my frustrations on you!

brendon still held onto her arm, not loosening his grip- what frustration? whats the matter?

dani looked down- nothing. just please, give me a breather!

brendon let go. they stared at each other for a while, then dani took off for the bus.

_______________________________________________________________________

< dani's pov>

man, whats brendons prob. i mean, i havent seen him all this time, and he just now decides to get in ny life! well i guess its not his fault. i guess im a bit tense since ashli and casey arent here yet. zacky is gonna get here b the time they do. i plopped down on the bus sofa. the blind was a little open, on the opposite side of the couch. i looked through it to see brendon still standing there, but he was talking on his phone. he hung up, and came towards the bus, and opened the door. he stuck only his head in. i just looked at him.

" safe to come in?"

i smiled, " yeah sure watever." i scooted over so he could sit down.

" so, whats the matter. you know you can tell me anything!"

i nodded, " well yes, but that was back then, and-"

" who cares about back then! i care about now! why cant you tell me whats the matter?"

" well, i just, cant find the rght way to put it. i mean, i feel like something has happened to ash and case. i just have a gut feeling, and-" i looked over brendons shoulder. my phone was on silent, but the light was still flickering. i got up and picked it up.

" hello?"

" oh, yes, finally. um, are you, marj?"

" um, no. this is dani. or danielle, why?"

brendon was watching me with a confused look on his face.

" well, um, yes, okay, well danielle. are you familiar, with a miss casey, and a miss ashli?"

my eyes widen. i knew because brendon looked at me worried, and i had felt them widen.

" yes. yes i am, are they okay?"

" well they have minor injuries. nothing, yet posted about, um, ashli. they're checking t see how the baby is gonna be. if you will, danielle, please come to the hospital, on 5th and 4th avenue, downtown, thank you." and they hung up.

i kept the phone to my ear for a while, and brendon got up and came over to me. he waved his hand in my face. i heard pete say as he walked in, " hello?"

i fell to the floor, phone still in hand. brendon came and kinda lifted me so i could sit on the couch. pete came and kneeled in front of me.

" what dani, whats the matter?"

pete started to shake me a little. i grabbed his hands so he'd stop.

" ashli and casey are in the hospital." i said blankly.

"what? how, what happened?"

" i dont know. i just got a call, telling me, to came to the hospital, and see how they're doing."

" well lets go. come on i'll drive. go get everyone else."

pete took my hands and helped me up. we went to go get everyone else, and then left for the hospital.

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hey sorry gotta cut it short again! i'll write again 2morrow!

 


Posted on 09/08/2006 5:38 PM Comments (2)

September 7, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 10

a few miles away.

" man i really hope they're okay!"

" yea,be a shame for the lady to loose the baby"

far off, an ambulence, was speeding away to the hospital, from which they came. both casey and ashli, were unconsious, but only from shock.

later when they were conious, they told them they were contacting all their friends, and that they needed to stay the night. both were told about their injuries.

" well miss casey, you are fine, except for a few scratches and bruises. and oh, that bump on your forehead should go down in a few days." he closed the curtain, seperating casey and ashli. he stepped into the little space where ashli was sleeping.

" 'cuse me miss, ashli. could you wake up for me?" ashli rolled on her side, not knowing why it hurt. she woke up.

" wha- who- where am i ? and where's casey?" she started to move around, but stopped when a sharp pain entered her back, her left and right side, and her left leg, and arm.

" please ashli, stay in bed. you're very injured, and you arent able to get up. please stay put, your friends are, well, we're still contacting them as we speak." he left without another word. the truth was that, no one was able to reacha nyone, since eveyone was busy packing to leave, and waiting for casey and ashli to return.

_________________________________________________________________________

<ashli's pov>

well after, dani left, we waited for the doctor to come back in, and explain more of this to us, ( well actually casey since i already knew half of it). but, she didnt, so after a few minutes of waiting we, got in the rental car and took, a long way back to the hotel.

the car ride was very quiet, except, i kept playing, the moment, when dani, made me promise her,not to do anything, that might, ruin the friendships of us, and her band, and billies, and petes, and sonnys. but stupid me, i guess i "forgot" that one of the things she mentioned, was not to get pregnant.

i was deep in thought, when, casey asked, me, " so, when did it happen?" her tone was normal, with a hint of hoarsness. she was probably holding back the millions of tears that wanted to come streaming out. she knew, what i had done wrong and what would come next. me and dani, would have this huge argument, and we'd probably end up, befriending each other. and then get everyone else involved, and have 2 groups going at it, untill watever happens, happens.

" um, like, two weeks before i found out. i had been getting sick a lot, and i knew it wasnt a flu, so i went to go check by myself, and found out there." we didnt make eye contact, or in fact, any contact, wat so ever. we just kept our eyes on the road.

" so how is billie taking it?" she had asked that because she knew billie, and how he was, he wouldn't have been this calm about it. he probably would have already told pete. that is, if he knew.

" well, i said i went alone. i havent actually told him yet."

" he doesnt know?"

i shook my head, and saw at the corner of my eye, that she had glanced at me. " no, he doesnt know. are you gonna tell him?"

" if dani hasnt gotten to him yet. why havent you told him?"

" because, he doesnt need to know. does he?"

" yes, he does. what do you think will happen, when he's been on tour, and the baby is already like 5 years old. what'll you tell him, ' oh, hi baby, this is, whatever the name is, so how'd you do today?' honestly, i would faint. you have to tell him soon, otherwise, you're kinda scerwed." as if with no emotion, she said that, as if i feel better already.

" well how do i tell him?"

" i dunno! its something to discuss with him, not me. wether or not you dont know how to put it, just tell him."

" maybe" i mumbled under my breath so she couldnt hear me.

maybe i should see with dani . . . but then again  . . . i heard casey gsap, and i heard tires squeal. i saw casey struggle to keep the wheel in place. it felt likea joy ride. i was by the window the whole time, not knowing what was to happen next. and then i felt a sharp pain go through my left side, then the right, then my leg, then i heard casey sceam in pain. then my eyes closed, and i heard a crash, then the sputtering of the other car,(s), then it got quiet all ecept the worried voices of nearby witnesses. i heard someone say, " are they dead?!" wat a stupid question. though, if you were panicked, about something like this, then that would be the first thing i would have asked.

and thats all remember. up till now. waking up in the hospital, and being woken up by the doctor, and then i fell back asleep, replaying the moment over again, with different twists. wether it was me, dying, or casey, or the other person, or all of us. thats all i remember, and all i hope that i do . . .

_________________________________________________________________________

back at the hotel-

<just a pov>

conversation wasnt all that exciting. everyone was waiting n the main room of the hotel, with or without leftover bags. still waiting for casey and ashli to show. everyone was getting tense, and pushy.

sonny- where the hell are they?

ryan-they probably got lost on their way to burger king.

marj slaped his shoulder- shut up, something could have happened to them, this isnt funny!

ryan- i know! god i wasnt kidding. i got lost on my way to burger king the last time i came here, which is why i said it. you didnt have to hit me!

marj sat back- sorry. but still, shouldnt we do something, i mean what if they are lost!

dani got up- yes marj, lets all get panicking! why dont you just say they're dead then!

everyone looked over, questioning faces were staring up at dani. she just looked around at them. and left. brendon took off after her.

brendon- hey, whoa, wait up! will you please slow down! come on whats the matter? wait dani!

he caught her arm before she got any further.

dani- look, just please brendon leave me alone, i dont want to take out my frustrations on you!

brendon still held onto her arm, not loosening his grip- what frustration? whats the matter?

dani looked down- nothing. just please, give me a breather!

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sorry was on time limit. it was all i could think of.

 


Posted on 09/07/2006 6:37 PM Comments (2)

September 5, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 9

" okay, well its like this . . ." i started to think that i could stall him. but there wasnt much i could do. either i tell him now, or, he'll find out eventually, and blah, blah, blah, we'll end up in this big fight. so i guess i should tell him . . ." ashli's pregnant!" oh shit did that just come out like that. please tell me i was just daydreaming. i looked over at pete and he was wide-eyed. guess i wasnt daydreaming.

"uh, wat?" was all pete could get out.

" well yea, she is. well has been for like 2 weeks. she never told us. me and casey just found out at the doctors."

" i thought you went in for a checkup, not a scan of the baby!"

" well im sorry ashli thinks she cant tell me something like this! its not my fault you know! billie got her pregnant, not me!" i looked at the floor, that didnt come out right.

" well, uh, where's ashli?"

" i dunno! i left them the car. casey prolly took ash to a mcdonalds for a cheeseburger!"

" well, uh . . ."

" are you just gonna go, well, uh, all this time?"

" well wat else should i say?"

" well i dunno, say, well . . ." actually, i think we said enough.

" maybe you should call them just to see if they're okay."

" im not gonna talk to her!"

" why not?"

" because, 1 she lied to me, 2 she lied to me and 3-"

" lemme guess she lied to you!"

" no! 3 she broke her promise!"

" wat promise?"

" the promise where she vowed to not get pregnant while anybody was on tour. and she and billie picked a bad time to, have one."

" why did you tell her to not get pregnant while we were on tour?"

" because if we were on tour, and she had the baby and we're clear across the country, we won't be able to help her."

" well thats stupid."

" wat, why?"

" well you're telling someone to not have a baby, wen its their choice!"

" well yes thats true pete, but wat if-"

" but wat if nothing. either you want or dont want a baby, or you have or dont have a baby."

" why are you taking her side?"

" because, she needs your help, and all you can think of is touring. and your band. as well as mine."

" oh, well you have a time machine so i can go bak and tell her not to have a baby and everything can be fine and dandy!"

" you know wat, im not gonna stand here and argue about this. something thats none of your business!"

" none of my business?! none of my business? pete, ashli is my best friend. she could have told me something wen she first found out! now wat can we do?"

" well wat do you suggest? an abortion!?"

abortion, wat a cruel thing to do. my mom was gonna have one with me until my dad talked me out of it. of course, my mom was drunk at the time so, i dunno . . .

i stared at the floor while pete waited for an answer. pete doesnt know the exact reason i want ashli to do something else with the baby. im not saying abortion, but just something else. that way ashli doesnt make the same mistakes my folks did.

ijust walked out the dor slamming it behind me.

i walked a few times around my living room to cool off some steam. but over here i had this huge hall perfect for blowing off steam.

i deciced to go up on the roof to get some air.

__________________________________________________________________________

(up on the roof)

i leaned over the balcony and just listened in on different conversations, from the people below with their windows open.

lady: look, im just saying, alex would much rather play, soccer than he would baseball or basketball!

lady2: well i think alex is much happier playing baseball!

man: you both are wrong. a father knows best for his son. he loves basketball!

lady2: no you love basketball harold! alex needs something more challenging like . . .

i switched conv. to this arguing couple.

lady: look damion, you just dont know wen to quit do you?

man: h, well im sorry jessica, but i cant always be as perfect as you! and why do you care wat your parents think of me? you love me dont you?

it got quiet. then i heard an uncontrolable sobbing coming from somewhere else.

lady: wat happened?

boy: i dunno, she was just playing with me and sh-she hit herself with the controler!

" yea right. thats an old trick. blame it on the baby!" i shook my head.

then i heard a voice behind me say, " yea, i've done that many times, with my sis!"

i turned around and there was, brendon urie.

" wat are you doing here brendon?"

" oh, just droping in. pete called a while back and told me to come over and hang out. ya know since i was in the nieghborhood. so wat cha been up to?"

" not much. heard anything yet?"

" if you're refuring to ashli, then yes. wen did it happen?"

"dunno. i just found ou today. she's been pregnant for 2 weeks and hasnt said anything ." i turned back around, letting him know i wanted to drop the subject. but he went on.

" does billie know?"

" nah. or i dont think so. maybe. he hasnt said anything either."

" well, how does-"

" can we just drop it brendon. i dont really feel like talking about it. which is why i came up here."

" okay, fine, just dont yell at me.uh, i heard about zacky."

" wat about zacky?"

" well, he's been looking for you. you havent heard anything?"

" hell no. why?"

" i dont know, maybe you dont get out much."

" i mean, why is he looking for me?"

" oh, i think because he's going on tour in a few months and he wanted to say bye. cuz he's leaving tomorrow."

" well i don wanna talk to him!"

" well he wants to talk to you. and i dont know where he is right now but, i think he's in the city."

" how does he know where i am?"

" um, i think, a bus driver tipped him, wen he was riding in his bus earlier. he said you had givn him an autograph for his kids. and zacky said ya'll were old friends. and if he knew where you was going."

" does pete know?"

" not sure. but wat could possibly go wrong?"

" everything! pete really hates zacky!"

" oh, well, the driver said you were staying here. i think he's coming here too. maybe you should go find somewhere else to stay."

" yea. come on, lets get everyone packing. but dont tell them its about zacky."

" okay!"

 

so we got everyone packing. but we still had to wait for ashli and casey. maybe i should call, its getting late, and they should have been here already. hope nothings wrong . . .

 

 

a few miles away.

" man, i really hope they're okay!"

" yea, be a shame for the lady to loose the baby " . . . .


Posted on 09/05/2006 3:19 PM Comments (3)

September 1, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 8

. . . about 5 minutes later, the doctor called us over to the screen to see the x rays.

she cleared her throat, " um, well your perfectly normal, but uh . . ."

" well how is she?"

"yea, is there anything wrong?"

" um well, nothing is wrong, but um, miss ashli, did you know you are, um . . . pregnant?"

i think all of our eyes got wide.

thump

we all turned around to see ashli on the floor.

i ran to her, and started shaking her.

" ashli, ashli, you better wake the hell up, ashli, WAKE UP!"

" um, doctor can you kindly leave now!" she nodded then ran out the door, closing it behind her. " dani, dani, leave her alone, it's not her fault okay, it's billie's okay, billie's fault, not hers!"

casey was starting to shake me to get me off of ashli.

then, ashli woke up, " shut up casey, it's not mine or billies fault i've been pregnant for 2 weeks already!"

we all stopped, then ashli got wide eyed.

i stood up, " you mean to tell, me, that you yourself, knew you were pregnant? and you never told us, your best friends!"

she nodded, " well, yea, but, i have a good reason!"

casey stood up too, " and wat would that be? ashli, you're 2 wekks pregnant, and we are your bestest friends! i think somewhere along the line, you could have told, us, at least a hint!"

" ashli, you broke, the rules, and your promise. not only the promise to me, but to me and my band, and fall out boy, and everyone involved!"

" so wat?" she had tears forming, " wat does it matter, at least im happy, right?"

" yes, but wat about me? wat about billie? he has upcoming shows, in the next 2 months! and he won't be able to support you, and watever the baby is going to be! and fall out boy! they start touring next month! they have shows, and awards to go to! and me and my band! i start touring wit fall out boy, next month too. and i have shows too, and interviews to go to. i wont be here. erika, derek, and marj will be helping us, with out our stuff, and will be going on tour with us too. ryan is going bak to panic, and then marj will fly over to where they are. casey and matt, are going with sonny, and from first to last, to watever they have planned. and im not sure amanda will be able to help, knowing you for only a month and 1 week. where would you go? wat if we're all touring and you have the baby? im not saying that we wont cancel for a friend, but, still . . ."

ashli was now crying, but not bawling, not yet.

casey looked at ashli, " ash, you should have told us, the second you found out. we could have arranged something, those 2 weeks ago. now wat can you do."

i couldnt take this anymore. i had to just walk away, and clear my thoughts. maybe i was just having a dream. but it all seemed too rel to be a dream.

" ashli, i just cant talk to you anymore. and apparantly, you cant tell me about your life anymore. so i guess, i'll see ya."

i walked out, not giving anyone a chance to respond.

 

i took a bus bak to the hotel and let casey and ashli have the car. since the bus driver said his son and daughter loved, me and my band, he offered to pay the expense, in exchange for an autograph. i gave it to him, but, i still payed have the fare.

i got off, and walked throught the door, up the stairs, to mine and petes room, unlocked it and went it.

" pete, are you here?"

no answer. i knew he was either, with everyone else, downstairs, or just wandering.

i plopped down on the bed, and layed there for a moment just thinking.

i heard a creak, and heard the door open. i sat up.

pete came walking in with a donut in one hand, and a book in another.

wen he looked up and saw me, he jumped bak, " holy shit! you scared the freak out of me! wheres casey and ashli. is ash okay?"

" yea she's fine, i guess, but i took the bus home, i left them the car."

" oh, well, wat do you mean, you guess she's okay?" he sat down on the opposite end of the bed.

" well, uh, she's just, gonna be, well i dunno how to explain it."

" well try."

i sighed, " well. then,um, wheres billie?"

" he's in his room, waiting for ashli to come bak, why?"

" okay, well come with me." i stood up, and went into the "living room", and sat down on the couch, pete sat down next to me.

" okay, well it's like this . . .

X

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X

sorry, i, was kinda not in the mood 4 writing, and thats all i could think of. but i'll finish it, either sunday or monday. ( im off of skool monday, and my bro's girlfriends b-day iz tomorrow, and i have to get her something, so i'll be busy, from, 8:30am - 5:15 pm) sorry . .


Posted on 09/01/2006 6:33 PM Comments (6)

August 30, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 7

( 1 month later )  . . .

< my pov>

okay, so, i finally get to go officialy to the warped tour, and it gets cancelled, ugh, bummer. luckily, i had all my friends with me, to cheer me up. well, not all my friends though.

everyone, except krystal that is, is still here with me, and have been on tour with me, and fall out boy, and my band, (( oh, yea, i forgot to say i had my own band)), and all is well, except for, all the relationship problems we've been having lately . . .

its like this, me and pete, are temporarely off, but are going bak, its just wat we call, a break, or a time out. krystal is officialy gone, and probably not coming bak, i left like, 26 messages on her phone, and she still hasnt called me bak, as if its my fault her and matt broke up! anyways, speaking of matt, he has actualy hit it off, with that girl amanda, although, im kinda bummed about it, i feal more comfortable with krystal, than i do with amanda, but, as long as matts happy, and they get along, i dont think my opinion counts for this. derek and erika are on thin ice, im not sure how long they'll last, im hoping this is just some faze, though. um, ryan and marj are still a-go! i think they are like the only ones who get along and can actualy share a bed without fighting over it. ashli and billie are like the cutest couple, they are definetly a-go! oh yea, zacky has left me alone, for the time being, knock on wood, he doesnt call right now.

so here we are, no one talking, on te bus, either watching tv, ( erika, derek, and ryan), or reading a book, ( marj, pete, and casey), or, ugh, cuddling in the bak, ( ashli and bllie). or like me , and only me, writing, again, anything that comes o mind. sonny has offered to drive, so, hes driving. all is quiet, well not until . . .

bleh, bleh!

everyone looked up from wat they were doing. we all looked towards the bedroom door, and it was opening.

ashli came out, she looked drained, as if something washed the life out of her. she was pale.

" ashli," i said first, " wats wrong, are you okay?"

she wiped her mouth with her sleeve, " yea, im okay, just, uh, im a little, sick, and hungry, so can we stop and get something to eat?" she sniffed.

 casey said next, " well, there is food on the bus, can you eat that?"

" no, i need," ah-ah-achoo! "  i need something to eat and-"

" maybe we better stop, maybe being on the bus too long, has made you all woozy. hey sonny, how long until we get to the hotel?" i shouted to him.

" uh, about three to five minutes."

" oh, well, you think you can make it another three or so minutes?"

she sniffed, " i suppose." she walked bak into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

" i wonder how she got sick?"

" yea, we havent even been anywhere near any sick people or anybody 'cept us, none of us are sick, right?"

everyone nodded, " well, maybe if she eats something, she'll be fine." matt said.

" maybe, but if she's not better, we should take her to the docter, just to check her out."

everyone nodded again. we all sat there quietly, until we had to get off.

( four minutes later)

" alright everyone off!" sonny shouted wen we stopped. and evry1 got off. except me, pete, ashli and billie.

i went to go knock on the door.

knock, knock

the door opened. billie was standing in the doorway, ashli was on the bed. sleeping i think.

" billie, can u wake her up, we're at the hotel." he grunted and then went and shook her awake.

" uh, huh, wats going on?" she said drowsily.

" we're at the hotel, come on, get up, so you can eat." pete said walking to the other side of the bed.

" no, im not hungry anymore, thanks anyways." she rolled onto her side. i went and shook her again.

" no, come on, we're at the hotel. wether you want to eat or not, you need to sleep in a regular bed, now come on."

she pulled her arm bak, " no, i dont want to. you cant make me, and why the fuck should i go, huh, theres nothing to see!"

we

all lookd at her as if she was crazy. she started o giggle.

" oops, tehe, my bad, come on lets go!"

she got up and walked right past us, she stopped at the doorway, " well come on guys, you woke me up for this, now come on." she started to hum, and then she walked through and out the bus.

we stood dumbstruck at the door. billie shook his head, " well, that was-"

pete finished for him, " fun!?"

billie went over to the window and looked out. ashli was walking, more like skipping, into the hotel, where everyone was waiting for us.

without another word, he walked off the buss too.

pete looked at me, " jeeze, PMS anyone!" then he walked off too.i thought for a second, then followed him.

in the hotel, derek told us, me and pete had a room together, in fact, all couples had their own  room. oh, well, we had to make up anyways.

we went our rooms which were likeacross and right next to each other, and pete unlocked our door and walked in, i followed.

" wow!" pete said. " it looks just like a mini house, cool!" he walked a little further in. " man, this place should have a kitchen!"

" thats wat room service is for! oh, now wat, " i said while he dissapeared behind a wall, " his and her towels!" i laughed.

pete came out with a pink and blue towel, marked his/ her, " i guess ur phsycic, oh, quick, say, money will be falling from the ceiling, quick say it!"

 i looked at him and laughed, " watever, come on, lets go check out the rest of the guys, places!" we walked out.

i took us like 17 minutes to find out everyon was waiting for us in the cafetorium, as they called it. " you could have called, so we wouldnt have had to waste tie finding you all!" i said siting down.

" oh, well i guess we didnt think about it!" erika giggled.

pete sat down next to me and whispered, " i think she's gonna blow!" he was refuring to ashli, who, did look lik she was gonna bloe, until billie waved his hand in her face, then she snapped out of it.

pete sat bak and i leaned towards casey who was on my other side, " do you know, wats up with ashli, i mean she seems so-"

" pms?" she finished.

" yea, wats the matter?"

" uh, i dunno, she just woke up one day and decided to hate the world!"

" well thats my job. but anyways, maybe after this, we should take her to a docter, she seems, not well!"

" yea, we'll take her, but first, there is a blueberry pancake, with maple syrup, and blueberries on top with my name on it, xcuse me!" she leaned over me to the pancakes. one note about casey, wen shes eating pancakes, especially blueberry, dont bother her, cuz if you do, she is worse than me, sometimes, lemme tell you from experience.

i leaned bak, and watched ashli in the corner of my eyes. somehings wrong, and shes not gonna tell us wat it is!

 

after we finished andeveryone was happy, and full, me and casey rented a car, and took ashli to a hospital.

wen we got there the first thing any of us said came from casey, " damn, i hate hospitals, they always smell, so much like-"

" mr clean and his kitchen cleaning products?"

" yea!" casey laughed.

 

it took like 25- 58 minutes, for someone to see us, thankfully, it was a woman

" so, wat can i do for you ladies?" she said closing the door. " my name is emily, nice to meet you!" great, she was a morning person.

" hi im danielle!" i shook her hand.

" hi im casey!" she shook her hand too.

" and this is our friend ashli, who is here for just a checkup. she hasnt been feeling well and we wanted to know specificly wat was wrong with her."

emily nodded, " okay, well, i'll have to do, a few tests, umkay, and nothing like a catscan, but just things to find out, okay, so if you will, follow me please!"

she opened the door and walked out, and we followed.

she took us to this lady who was examining a "smokers" lungs, boy were they bad, it looked discusting, casey almost puked.

" okay girls, this isprofesser,mckinley, and she will run some tests on casey was it?"

" um, no it was ashli." casey had looked a little worried for a minute.

" oh, alright then, my mistake," clearly, i thought, " okay, i'll be with another patient, but she will take it from here." she nodded at mckinley.

" yes, well, ashli, will you please go stand over there and i will tell you wat to do wen i am done with this. and will you please, go change into one of those, please." she pointed to a gown hanging.

ashli changed and then stood where she was told.

it all took about 15 minutes, and then the tests were over. " okay, please wait over there, and i will call you wen the pitures have come ouy, thank you!" she walked off.

 

about 5 minutes later, the doctor called us over to the screen to see the x rays.

she cleared her throa, " um well, your perfectly normal, but uh . . ."

" well, how is she?"

" yea, is there anything wrong?"

" um well, nothing is wrong, but, um, miss, ashli, did you know you are . . .


Posted on 08/30/2006 4:04 PM Comments (4)

August 27, 2006

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 6

" who the hell is this, huh, krystal?"

" well um, matt, this is, um?"

" you dont ven know his name do you?"

" well not actua-"

" not actually huh, well maybe i can do something about it!"

as if it was all in slow motion, krystal tripped bakwards trying to get out of the way, matts hand went up, and i closed my eyes. then a scream let out, and i heard a thump, then, it was silent . . .

 

now, i didnt want to open my, eyes, but i knew that if i didnt, something else might have happened.

slowly, one by one, i opened my eyes. the image, was like right out of a movie, all i could do was look.

i saw, krystal on the floor in shock, (( no, matt didnt hit her, scroll bak up, she tripped trying to get out of the way, duh!)), matt had his hands by his sides, one was bleeding. next i saw, pete, in shock too, standing at the door, then a little further, was ryan, and marj standing next to each other, then, ashli, in billies, arms, i dont know why though. . .

i think i had screamed matts name, after i saw wat had happened, cuz everyone, now looked at me. i walked a little further, towards them, and i saw the guy, had a broken nose, and he was unconcious.

i couldnt say much. after that, it was all done by the police, which some bystander  had called. i looked over at matt, and he was just looking at the guy on the floor, whle the police men cuffed him, and took him away.

everyone was escorted out of the way in sam goodys, so the ambulence could get through. although, me, pete, casey, sonny, krystal, marj, billie, derek, erika, ashli, ryan, and this other girl, were, taken, into a place where we could talk about wat happened.

i really didnt feel like talking about it, so i asked if i could go to the hospital with the guy, and that other girl came too. the ride to the hospital, was  a little bit akward.

 

" so, um, do you know him?" i said pointing to him laying on watever they had him on.

" yea, he's my brother. you know the guy that did this to him?"

" yea, he's my friend."
"oh, well it figures, ya'll all look like bad people so i should have known!" i was beginning to fell like it was not her brother who needed the ambulance any more, if she was gonna keep talking to me like that, if you know wat i mean.

" now look here, im sorry this happened, i don know why he did this to him, but, i dont know why he was talking to his girlfriend anyway. it looked like they were, flirting, so, in actuality, it was all your brothers fault!"

" oh, great, look wat we have here, a hoe, standing up for her pimp!"

" look, bitch, i said i was sorry, but if you say one more fucking thing to me thats gonna piss me off, i swear your brothers isnt the only one thats gonna need a cast for about a month!"

she scoffed, " please, is that a threat?"

" no, its a warning!"

" ooh, a warning for wat?"

" a warning for you to shut up so i dont have to kick your ass!"

the driver looked bak at us, " hey are ya'll gonna keep it down, hes trying to rest!"

" fine!" we both shouted back.

it got quiet for all of 2 minutes. " so, wats ur name?"

" danielle, wats urs?"

" amanda. this is my brother, alex."

" alex and amanda. wat do you do amanda?"

" well, im part of a band, as well as my brother, so far we cant find a label who will sign us. u?"

i started to laugh. " wats so funny?"

" my boyfriend, is not only a part of a well known, band, but also, a recrd label owner.  yes, a mister, peter wentz, of the greatest band on earth, fall out boy! im currently touring with them!"

she was wide eyed. " are you kidding me, no,no,no, ur lying, u are so lying to me!"

" well i might be, but then again you'll never know, if you dont find out!"

she looked at the floor, and thwindled her thumbs.

" well amanda?"

" well wat?"

" lets see, i'll make a deal with you. give me a demo of ur band, and i'll check with pete, okay. in return, you drop all charges on my friend, and anything you might have for him, or us, k?"

" um, hello, deal, duh!"

" okay, but i need the demo, and i'll give it to him tomorrow, how can you get it to me?"

" i'll take a cab to my house, and then you stay at the hospital, and i'll give it to you there!"

" done!"

the doors opened, and we got out. i walked into the hospital, and saw everyone in the waiting room.

" where's matt?"

" hes in that room." billie said pointing to a room that had a closed door.

" why, nothings wrong, just a few scratches, thats all."

" yea, but he's talking to krystal."

" oh, well, i'll knock." i walked over and i could barely make out the fight.

krystal: wat do you mean, wat is my problem?

matt: i mean ur problem is that, you cant control a damn thing in ur life, you cant handle having a library card, much less a boyfriend!

krystal: well im sorry matt, but its not always my fault

matt: its not always mine, because of you im probably getting sued!

krystal: oh, buu huu, poor you, nobody evers likes you, or understands you, oh quick let me go get the violin!

matt: wat the fuck is ur problem,really krystal, please tell me, i am so sorry, i had to punch his face in, if i could have i would have done urs!

krystal: oh just shove it matt, u were jealous from day 1, and you still are!

it got quiet. without knocking i went in.

matt had tears in his eyes, barely. krystal was practically bawling.

" krystal can u please leave?"

" no, im not until-"

" KRYSTAL LEAVE, NOW!"

" fine! but dont expect me to come back!" she slammed the door behind her.

i looked over at matt, he was looking out the window. " you alright?"

he sniffed, " no, i just broke it off with my girlfriend or 2 years, i loved her, then realized, it wouldnt work. wats new?"

" well, i think i can drop charges, if pete can sign someone for me!"

" wat?"

" look, that guy you hit, his name is alex, and i was in the ambulance with him, and his sister amanda, and well i asked her wat she did, and she told me they were in a band, so i told her, i was petes girlfriend, and that if she could drop charges on you, i could see if i could get pete to sign them . . ."

" i must say on mine and petes behalf, no!"

" wat?"

" lool, dani, i appreciate it, but, if pete doesnt like the demo, he wont sign, and if he doesnt sign then she wont drop charges, and if she doesnt drop charges, then im scerwed! you cant just asume petes gonna like them."

" well i guess ur right, but i could at least give it a try!"

" maybe, just check with pete okay?"

" alright. i guess we wont have the bar-b-que!"

" oh, shit, im sorry, i forgot all about it!"

" its alright, theres a thing called resheduling!"

" yea, but we might not all be free!"

" well then, whoever comes, comes, simple."
" i guess!?"

" yea, well, do you want us to head home, or stay here, or wat?"

" no, go on home, dont worry about me!"

"okay! bye, i'll tell them to-" the door opened. amanda, alex and the nurse, was standing in the doorway. alex was concious.

he said, " no, no,no,no,no, im not sharing this room with him, nuh uh, no way!"

" calm down, im sure our little deal will tell him something, right matt?"

 he looked at me and smiled, " yea, dani, i swear i wont touch him" he winked at me, i winked bak.

" we'll be here first thing in the morning, or wenever visiting ours start, or actually, wenever pete and sonny wake up, okay?"

" yea, bye dani!"

"see ya matt."

 

 


Posted on 08/27/2006 5:01 PM Comments (4)

Blame Everyone But Me For This Mess : part 5

 . . . < just a pov>

(recap)

wen dani got out of the shower, her phone was ringing in her room.while pete started the shower, she picked it up, not bothering to look at the caller-id.

" hello?"

it was silent, then, " hey, i didnt think you'd pick up, how've you been?"

she dropped the phone, realizing, it was  . . .

___________________________________________________________________________

she dropped the phone realizing it was zacky.

" umm, h-how'd you get my number, and wat do you want?"

" well i got it from a friend. and i just wanted to see how you were, doing with, um, wats that jackasses name that you hooked up with?"

" his name is pete, and i think you're mistaken, ur the jackass, not him. wat do you want!"

" whoa whoa, calm down. you really hurt me yesterday! i want an apoligy!"

" and why would i do that, i didnt do anything!"

" well maybe you didnt, but pete and sonny sure did!"

" pete never said anything and sonny was just playing!"

"watever. so, how are you?"

" zacky, quit toying with me. WAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!"

" CALM DOWN! damn i cant talk to you anymore or wat?"

" no you cant, we split, remember? i dont like you anymore. i have pete, now, and if you cant face that then . . ." the shower stopped, and dani's heart started to race.

" then wat?"

" then. you know wat, just leave me alone, okay!"

" im sorry, but i cant do that."

" why not! you know wat i can just hang up on you and-"

" okay okay, but wait, answer me this . . ."

" wat, zacky?"

" do you still love me, and if not, y did you answer the phone?"

" i-i cant answer that. and i didnt bother to look at the caller id. r we done?"

it was silent.

" yea, we're done, goodbye danielle." he hung up.

she hung up also, as pete walked throught the door.

" hey. wats wrong, and why arent you dressed?" he sat down next to dani on her bed.

" um, nothing the matter.  just, i was remembering something from, bak wen, its nothing. i-i'll go get dressed in my parents room, you could have mine."

she left without another word. . . .

__________________________________________________________________________

 < my pov>

wat was that all about. why did, zacky have to do this now, of all times. he was with another girl, so wat does it matter if i love him. why cant he face that i've moved on, and found pete. why does he do this.

i was done and dressed. i tried to stay as calm as i could without freaking on pete.

 we got in petes car, and drove off to the mall, which was pretty close to us so it wasnt like a 50 minute drive, it was more like a 32 minute drive.

all the way i was quiet, and thinking to myself. how would i tell pete, that zacky, called, or should i even tell him. should i tell sonny, to go rough him up, or  even matt, or even derek,or ryan, but i shouldnt involve them. maybe i should tell casey, but she has a bit of a mouth, so i dont know. wat about, marj, or erika, or just someone to do something about it, i sure as hell dont know wat to do. i could tell pete was wondering my thoughts, every now and then he would look over at me with a worried look on his face.

" remember wat me and sonny said yesterday?"

" uh, wat?"

" we said that we would have an accident if you didnt keep your eyes on the road."

" oh, yea sorry. its just that you look, so, worried or, frustrated about something. maybe i can help?"

" no its fine, i guess it doesnt involve you, not to be mean though."

" oh, okay. well we're here."

we got out, and went in. already, i had girls looking at me, like i was evil. i just smiled ahead. i felt better already.

__________________________________________________________________________

it took us about, 15 minutes, to find out everyone was waiting for us in the food court. and by everyone, i meant everyone. there was, casey and sonny, derek and erika, marj and ryan, ashli, and billie, and krystal and matt. (( the break up iz coming up in a little bit, im putting amanda, as an innocent bystander to the fight))

we said our hi's, and went our seperate ways. matt, derek, sonny, billie, ryan, and pete, went off to the vid game store, while me and erika, went to hot topic, while krystal, ashli, casey, and marj went to sam goodys.

 

i was talking to erika, about wat happened, i thought she was the only one who would understand, she has gone through a breakup, and then found some1 new, and didnt know who she loved, so i thought, she'd know wat to do.

" so wa exactly happened, like tell me from wat to wen!"

" okay, so,  i got out of the shower, and saw that my phone was ringing. i dont usually pick up the phone without looking at who it was, but i picked it up anyways, and i said hello, and it was silent and then he said you know, uh, i didnt think you'd pick up, blah blah, and how've you been and, then-"

" ooh, wat about this shirt with this braclet?"

" are you gonna listen?"

"im sorry dani, but, to me this is old news. i mean, i knew it was bound to happen. i mean, wat you expect, you know, wat i noticed?"

" wat?"

" i noticed, you go for the jealous type!"

" no thats not true!"

" oh, yes it is. zacky, got major jealous, wen even the guy at the cash register talked to you. pete, well, lets see, pete, gets jealous wen he see's zacky, my point proven yet?"

" no, pete gets jealous  wen he see's zacky, cuz he knows he has something up his sleeves. its perfectly reasonalble!"

" watever dani. all i know, is, that one of these days, pete will wise up, and zacky will step in. if you dont get me, then i'll guess you'll have to see for ur self."

" god ur no help, i should have talked to pete, than to you then!"

" well maybe you should have! come on, lets go pay for this, we have to me everyone at sam goodys in about 25 minutes, so i wanna have extra time to browse."

" alright"

we paid an then left. sam goodys was like, 5 steps away from hot topic, so we still had 26 minutes to browse.

we went in and i spotted marj right away. she was with casey and sonny, billie and ashli, marj and ryan, and krystal and matt.

" hey, where's derek and pete?"

matt looked at me, " oh, uh, they're still in the vid game store, they were playing a game and-"

derek butted in an said, " it was two player, thats why we left"

billie nodded then went bak to cd searching. " yea, well i'll go get them if you want!"

" nah, they know wen to be bak, thanx anyways matt."

" no prob" he looked bak down at the cds.

in bak of me i heard a giggle, it sounded like krystal.

i turned around and sure enough, she was talking to a guy, who apparantly was making her laugh. now i knew, her, and her giggles, this one was her flirty giggle, i knew wat was going to happen next. so before matt had a chance to look up, i grabbed his arm, and took him to the bak where the posters were. billie and ashli followed.

" hey, uh, guys, wats going on?" matt looked at us. billie spoke first.

" well, uh, i was talking to dani, and ashli, and we saw some posters you might like, check em out!" ashli looked bak, so did i. this was the 3rd time krystal has done this, she knows she's with matt, and yet, she has to flirt, or " friendly talking" as she calls it.

ashli, said, " um, im gonna go check if pete and derek are here, i'll be righ back!" she ran off, billie followed after her.

" um, okay, wat was that all about?"

" um, nothing much matt, just uh, look, at the posters, and uh, any you like i'll buy em for you!"

" really, wow, you're a great friend. you know, i dont think krystals ever been this nice to me, i wonder how pete got lucky?"

" well, not that lucky!"

"huh?"

"oh, nothing, just, pick one!"

i looked back, ashli was talking to krystal, and billie was talking to that guy she was "friendly talking" with. i think matt said something, but i wasnt paying attention. but wen i looked bak he was gone. i started to get all freaked out, but then i saw he was heading, towards krystal, and she was still talking with that guy.

before i knew it i was running towards matt, and he was still walking over to krystal. krystal was still talking to that guy.

" matt!" i shouted to maybe slow him down, but i was too late, he was already giving the guy an evil stare.

 

" who the hell is this, huh, krystal?"

" well um, matt, this is, um?"

" you dont even know his name do you?"

" well not actua-"

" not actually huh, well maybe i can do someting about it!"

as if it was all in slow motion, krystal tripped bakwards trying to get out of the way, matts hand went up, and i closed my eyes. then a scream let out, and i heard a thump. then, it was silent . . .

 


Posted on 08/27/2006 3:13 PM Comments (3)
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